Thursday, November 26, 2009

Thanksgiving!

Happy Turkey Day!
* gobble gobble *

For my loving family.
For my health.
For my (relative) financial security.
For my enrollment in a fantastic university.
For my supportive friends.
For everything that I was born with, that I have now, and that I am yet to achieve:

I am thankful.

Go out and hug someone today, just for the sake of it!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Regret

It starts in your stomach. You can't put your finger on it, but for some reason you're feeling uncertain. That feeling of uneasiness, you know, the one that comes about when you think there's one more step going down a flight of stairs than there actually is.

Then the feeling in your stomach materializes as a realization in your head. You know exactly why you're feeling off-balance. Doubts spring up everywhere, and the second guessing begins. Did you make a mistake? Should you have said that? Was something forgotten? And as you go in mental circles, your fears don't ease up -- in fact, they get worse. You're wracking your brain, trying to find some solace, some small detail that proves you did the right thing at the right time. But you can't. You can't convince yourself.

Instead, you know you'll have to live with the consequences of your decision, or your forgetfulness, or your mediocrity. If something terrible happens as a result of it, it will be your fault. Some will realize that the past is unchangeable, and move on, burdened with their mistake. Often times, the burden is small; occasionally though, you regret something so much that it changes the rest of your life. Others, who are not as accepting, will attempt to fix the past by altering the present. And yes, sometimes this works. You can run home to turn off a stove before it starts a fire. But you can't redo a decision that only comes around once in a lifetime. You can't put hurtful words back into your mouth before you uttered them. You can't repair the pieces of a broken heart.

So...
Think before acting. Look before leaping. Understand the consequences.


P.S. I couldn't get what I was after. But I don't regret it. Maybe next year.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Break

So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you
Yeah, I miss you
So far away from where you are
Standing underneath the stars
And I wish you were here

I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things I never thought that they’d mean everything to me
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

I feel the beating of your heart
I see the shadows of your face
Just know that wherever you are
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things
I never thought that they’d mean everything to me
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Nocturnalism Is Underrated.

Sunday, November 8th
|||||Slept at 3:00.

Monday, November 9th
|||||Slept at 3:00.

Tuesday, November 10th
|||||Slept at 3:30.

Wednesday, November 11th
|||||Slept at 4:00.

Thursday, November 12th
|||||Slept at 5:30.

Friday, November 13th
|||||Slept at 6:00.

Saturday, November 14th
|||||Slept at 5:00.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Alma Mater

A girl in my hall is withdrawing from Stanford and going home. I think she's leaving within the next week. It's not because she got into trouble or anything, she just...didn't want to be here anymore.

Even though sometimes it gets hard, sometimes the workload threatens to crush my spirits (which may partially be my fault), sometimes the three hour time difference makes me feel so isolated from everything (and everyone) I used to know...

I love being here.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Week(End) From Hell.

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you I've set you apart


Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions
Oh, let's go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on the science apart


Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh, take me back to the start

I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

But tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are


Nobody said it was easy
Oh, it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard.

I'm fading fast.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

V

Remember, remember, the 5th of November
The gunpowder treason and plot.
I know of no reason why the gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Why I Love My Hall

When I'm feeling a little down, or feeling like having a little excitement, I know I can always count on my hall to make life awesome. We're wayy closer than most of the other halls in Roble, and people who come up and hang out with us are generally surprised by how awesome we all are. So I thought I might detail some of my great friends in the hall (partly censored, of course). Also, a couple of honorary members of 3B are included.

K--. He's sometimes a bit awkward, but I know he means well. He definitely should be a little bit more social. But I know it's tough to put up with my messiness, and he does deserve thanks for getting me up on mornings when my alarm clock doesn't quite cut it.

G--. He's lots of fun to be around. Thankfully he's really goofy, otherwise I don't know if I would be able to put up with the large blocks of time spent in nothing but his boxers. He's always able to find interesting things to do. He has both an alcohol stash and a condom stash, so I can probably tap into those if the need for either should arise.

J--. He's really moody alot, but when he's not moody he is lots of fun too. Although I hear about his girl troubles all the time (just settle on one, already!), I'm glad he's my friend, since we crack lots of really funny jokes. Also, he's into CS, which is a plus. However, he doesn't know how to take any form of criticism.

P--. He is crazy. Flat out insane. But I love him anyways. Two nerdy, awkward, asian guys are bound to become friends (he has a book of XKCD comics!). Now it's more easy to tell us apart, since he changed his hair. But our RA has so lovingly nicknamed us "Parles," and I feel like there's some kind of reason for that. I've thought maybe about entering the draw with him this year.

J--. I'm still getting to know him. However, we have had several really deep, enlightening conversations. Plus, he knows alot about drugs, so if I ever have any questions I know just who to go to. Only at Stanford could you finds someone who works with MATLAB and aspires to be an engineer on the weekdays, but go out and gets baked on the weekends.

N--. He's super loud. His laughs would probably wake me up if I wasn't insulated behind two doors. Although he can be mean, I know that it's not really malicious intent, and plus I'm generally mean back, so it's all good. It's always good to have someone to make fun of from time to time.

S--. In the running for best guy friend made at Stanford. At first I thought he would be a meathead-type athlete, but he turned out to be an awesome exception to that stereotype. Despite being huge and muscular, he actually is a great guy who I love hanging out with. Also, he never hesitates to say really "I-didn't-need-to-know-that-about-you" type things, which I find pretty hilarious.

M--. It's good to have someone who I knew before coming here. A fellow TJ alum, she's able to get TJ jokes and reminisce about old teachers (oh, DrD). A girl who does the "crazy" physics series AND a varsity sport? That's pretty epic.

E--. One of the first girls I became friends with here. Actually, on moving day, I went down the hall to introduce myself, and then her mom asked if she could see our room. Her parents took us out to dinner a few weeks later, which was lots of fun. Her room is like a social hub, and on late nights not too much work gets done there.

A--. She's super flirty, but I know it's all harmless. Although recently her desire to just go out and try everything has gotten a tad worrying. Nevertheless, when she's around I usually have fun, not to mention that she is an excellent source of hugs. She spends a lot of time in another hall though, which is quite unfortunate.

G--. She is so loud. I can hear her coming up the stairs and coming down the hall. A lot of times I end up sticking my head out the door and saying "G--, shut up." I don't really mean it though, since she's loads of fun to go out with when she's around. Sadly, she's either pent up in her room or hanging out with another hall most of the time.

M--. I'm glad we met. If I lived in the C wing, odds are I probably wouldn't have gotten to know her as well (if at all). A witty gal, she can take my teasing and dish it back, too. Also, her room is one of the awesomest rooms ever. I go down there to hang out all the time and it's so very, very spacious.

C--. The mother figure. It's good to have an upperclassman friend, and she's always there with helpful advice. Hanging out in her room is never awkward, and we've had some pretty awesome conversations. If she was a freshman with us, I'm pretty sure we'd have super epic adventures in the four years to come.

So yeah, that's what I'm living with. I know plenty o' cool people outside of my hall, but these guys are the meat and potatoes of my social circle here at Stanford. Back to studying for my CS midterm with me.