Happy Lyrics!

(To karmically balance the last post. I highly suggest you go listen to this song.)

I'm Not Surprised
Not Everything Lasts
I've Broken My Heart So Many Times,
I Stopped Keeping Track.
Talk Myself In
I Talk Myself Out
I Get All Worked Up
And Then I Let Myself Down.

I Tried So Very Hard Not To Lose It
I Came Up With A Million Excuses
I Thought I Thought Of Every Possibility

And I Know Someday That It'll All Turn Out
You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid That I'll Give So Much More Than I Get
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

Mmmmm ....

I Might Have To Wait
I'll Never Give Up
I Guess It's Half Timing
And The Other Half's Luck
Wherever You Are
Whenever It's Right
You Come Out Of Nowhere And Into My Life

And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing
And Baby Your Love Is Gonna Change Me
And Now I Can See Every Possibility

Mmmmm ......

And Somehow I Know That It Will All Turn Out
And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid I'll Give So Much More Than I Get
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

They Say All's Fair
And In Love And War
But I Won't Need To Fight It
We'll Get It Right
And We'll Be United

And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing
And Being In Your Life Is Gonna Change Me
And Now I Can See Every Single Possibility

Mmmm .....

And Someday I Know It'll All Turn Out
And I'll Work To Work It Out
Promise You Kid I'll Give More Than I Get
Than I Get Than I Get Than I Get

Oh You Know It'll All Turn Out
And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid To Give So Much More Than I Get
Yeah I Just Haven't Met You Yet

I Just Haven't Met You Yet
Oh Promise You Kid
To Give So Much More Than I Get

I Said Love Love Love Love Love Love Love .....
I Just Haven't Met You Yet
Love Love Love .....
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

(Do you see it?)

Highly Disturbing

My friend Sean is writing a paper on suicide for his English class, and yesterday showed me a video of a man committing suicide (the ol' gun in the mouth routine). It was one of the most disturbing things I have ever seen. The sheer amount of blood that came out of his mouth and nose afterwards was astonishing, all the while with a gaping hole at the top of his head.

Apparently, the man was a Pennsylvania official of some type (governor, perhaps?), who had received bribes and such and then been discovered. He had received a letter telling him that the day after these events, he was most likely going to be convicted, and the judge stipulated that he was going to "make an example of him." Something along the lines of a 55 year sentence and fines of something like $300,000. Now, because he was technically in office at the time of his death (the video is available because he committed suicide during like a political meeting of some sort, which were videotaped), his family received a pension of around 1 million dollars. Was he "justified" in killing himself, as it made things so much easier for his family? Watching the video, I know how people say suicide is "the easy way out," but the ability to walk into work one day, and tell my co-workers, "if this is going to offend anyone, please leave," then calmly place a revolver in my mouth and pull the trigger, seems like something beyond the scope of my emotional comprehension. That takes guts like nothing else. How does his suicide compare with that of the man who threw himself out of the window of the World Trade Center as it was on fire? Sometimes, you gotta just remember that life is good.

Enjoying the Little Things

You know what I love about going to class everyday?

Discovering new shortcuts.

You know what I love about being allowed to have computers in class?

Blogging during class.

Turn and Face the Strange

I've been at college for a full five weeks now. It's interesting to think of how I've changed since this time last year (or even since I've arrived here). It seems strange, that someone could change in only a few weeks. But, considering the massive amount of change I went through my freshman year (which none of you know about, thankfully), it's certainly possible. Not everything (most, probably) on this list was a conscious change or choice, it just sort of came to be. I'm nearly certain I'm going to end up changing more as time wears on. I'll be sure to make note of those, later.

How I've Changed

- I am known as Charlie. (I used to be called Charles)

- I go to bed at 2 or 3 on a regular basis. (I used to always sleep before 12)

- I burst out into song. Often. (I never would in public)

- I swear a decent amount. (I had cut down)

- I don't have any torrents running. (Heh)

- I am, in a sense, patient. (You're not supposed to know what this really means).

- I have responsibilities. (I used to be really sheltered and dependent).

Of course, it's not as if I'm an entirely new person.

How I've Stayed The Same

- I am extremely nerdy.

- I am extremely messy.

- I don't eat my vegetables.

- I worry lots.

- I like to tease people.

- I have a dirty mind.

- I like to challenge myself.

Something You May Not Have Known About Me

I decided to audition for the Stanford Mendicants. They're actually the oldest a capella group on campus, an all-male a capella group. They wear red blazers and sing lots of old school love songs (think "Build Me Up Buttercup" and "Sugarpie, Honeybunch"). I signed up for an audition, and went to Xanadu (I kid you not, that's the name of the dorm) to sing. I had to do some range exercises, singing 5 notes up and down the scale. Then I had to do rhythmic stuff, clapping out beats that were given. I also had to sing back notes that were played on a piano. The last part of my audition was to sing about 60 seconds of whatever song I wanted. When I had signed up, I had thought "oh I know the perfect song to sing for these guys!", but when I checked their website, I saw it was actually in their repertoire. Nonetheless, I sang it anyways. "Everything" by Michael Buble. A song that I know very well, and a song that I can sing with passion. And I guess that showed -- I got a callback for a few days later.

So the callback said Friday, 12:40. I went to Xanadu once again, during lunch, and tried to get in. The door was locked. After standing around for a couple of minutes, a guy answered the door. Fortunately, he was a member of the Mendicants. Unfortunately, he told me none of their callbacks started until 4:00 pm. Turns out, they meant 12:40 am. As in 20 minutes before 1 in the morning. A small surprise, but no big deal. It gave me more time to learn the sheet music that they had given me ("Brown Eyed Girl" and "Delia"). At 12:30 am, I left Sigma Nu's "Disorientation" (I'll do a party post some other time), and walked across the street to my callback. I actually ended up being accompanied by a small posse of people who had been partying with me. Funny story, I didn't speak at all while I was at Sigma Nu, because I would have had to scream and that would have made my voice hoarse right before my callback. They asked me a few questions about my personality, then had me sing the two songs, and then sang the backup to Brown Eyed Girl while I sang the lead (that was just for fun). They said the results would be posted on Sunday. Saturday night I stayed up until nearly 5 with a bunch of my friends, and forgot all about it until 11. So, I walked over to Tressider, and checked the list.

I didn't get it.

It was disappointing, yeah, but I know I'll have more time to work on my 19 death-wish units of class. And who knows? Maybe I'll be auditioning for them again next year.

Why I Don't Get To Go Home

Hopefully, most of you are busy enjoying your fall break.

Not me.

I don't get to go home during the fall. I get to study. (Yaaaay!)

If I wasn't three hours ahead, I could have faked as if I had gone back for fall break, but was too busy to meet up with anyone (a guy in my hall is actually doing this). But of course, that would mean deceiving you all, and I'd hate to do that (I won't say I'd never do that, but I'd hate to do it. Unless it was for something really funny).

In fact, I don't get to go home until Winter Break. The second half of December. I could have gone back for Thanksgiving, but I'm not for two reasons: 1) Finals week is right after Thanksgiving Break. 2) I hadn't realized that we got an entire week off (I thought it was only four days, which wasn't enough to really fly all the way home and relax for two days), and at this point tickets are so expensive that it's nigh-impossible for an asian such as myself to justify paying for them. So yeah. I'm stayin here. Maybe I can get a turkey and cook it with some friends. I think I know one person staying here also. I'm sure I'll find more.

So the main thing to take away from this post is I'm not going to see any of you for another two months. Miss me.

I Apologize

I told myself I wouldn't do this -- but in the back of my mind, I think I always knew I would.

I mean, some people have personalities that lend themselves to certain things -- for example, I was always messy growing up, and now that I'm here, I think I've only gotten messier.

And so, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not posting. I had a feeling I'd forget about it, and it's not that I don't care, it just slips my mind. Or when I post I get the feeling, "I ought to get some work done rather than devoting a half-hour chunk to writing on my blog."I'll try to slowly write about the things that have happened so far. But for tonight, I'll keep it short and simple.

I don't think I'm going out this weekend. I have much too much work to do. A Physics Midterm on Monday, a Math Midterm on Tuesday, and an IHUM paper on Wednesday (which is worth 15% of my grade). I guess I did it to myself, taking 19 units and all (16 of which are techie units). But what sucks is that the add/drop deadline is tomorrow (today, technically). So if I was to totally bomb a midterm, thus ruining my grade for the class, the fact that I dropped the class would show up on my transcript. Which rather sucks. That means I just have to kick ass on all of my midterms. Thus, going out on Friday, and possibly Saturday, is just a bad idea. Not to mention I have a CS assignment due that I still haven't finished.

My weekend sucks. Homework sucks. Sigh.