New Years Eve

I had only one resolution this time last year: get into a good college. This year, I think I'll have more.

Cheers, everyone!

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,

And never brought to mind?

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,

And auld lang syne?

For auld lang syne, my dear,

For auld lang syne,

We’ll take a cup o’ kindness yet,

For auld lang syne.

And surely ye’ll buy your pint cup!

And surely I’ll buy mine!

And we’ll take a cup o’ kindness yet,

For auld lang syne.

For auld lang syne, my dear,

For auld lang syne,

We’ll take a cup o’ kindness yet,

For auld lang syne.

We two have run about the slopes

And picked the daisies fine;

But we’ve wandered many a weary foot,

Since auld lang syne.

For auld lang syne, my dear,

For auld lang syne,

We’ll take a cup o’ kindness yet,

For auld lang syne.

We two have paddled in the stream,

From morning sun till dine ;

But seas between us broad have roared

Since auld lang syne.

For auld lang syne, my dear,

For auld lang syne,

We’ll take a cup o’ kindness yet,

For auld lang syne.

And there’s a hand, my trusty friend!

And give us a hand o’ thine !

And we’ll take a right good will draught,

For auld lang syne.

For auld lang syne, my dear,

For auld lang syne,

We’ll take a cup o’ kindness yet,

For auld lang syne.

I Only Had Eight

Oh wait!

I love filler!

Microns to Miles

Micron: A unit of length equal to .000001 meters.

Mile: A unit of length equal to 1609.344 meters.

Microns are actually really small, when you think about it. They're used to measure the diameters of fibers (ever thought about the thickness of a single fiber?). They're used to measure the size of microorganisms. I believe the pores of air filters are sized up in microns.

Miles, on the other hand, are rather big (at least in comparison). Certainly not as big as light-years, or parsecs, though. What isn't measured in miles? There are no kil0-miles, so everything in the standard unit system bigger than a mile is measured in, well, miles.

This post is about the moments in life when microns feel like miles. When being a hair's breadth away still feels like eons. I'm not going to belabor the point, partly because I know you all know the moments I'm talking about, regardless of whether or not I keep rambling, and partly because it's late.

But it's important to be able to break through that invisible barrier to the other side. Risk something once in a while.

So close to reaching, that famous happy end

Almost believing, this was not pretend

Now you're beside me, and look how far we've come...

So far, we are, so close.

Catching Up To Do

I have averaged nine posts a month since September.

Nine.

This month only has five so far. And one of them was like one sentence long.

I gotta get cracking.

Bah, humbug.

Sometimes

Sometimes it's good to be reckless.

Sometimes, I like doing things without worrying about whatever's going to come after. This doesn't happen often, mind you, because I'm not good at ignoring the consequences. If I am anything, I am a worrier. I worry about oversleeping; I worry about keeping up with the pace of my schoolwork; I worry about what my peers and my teachers think of me; I worry about whether or not the weather is going to get worse; I worry about my future.

But sometimes...

Sometimes I stop worrying. Sometimes I do things without giving a damn about the consequences of my actions. I do things because I want to and I think I'm entitled to and I know that it feels good as hell to do something that I want.

And, depending on the mood I was in when I stopped thinking about what comes next, the snap back to reality might be good or bad.

• If I was angry or frustrated, and I did something stupid, odds are I regret whatever it was that I did. Granted, I don't get angry enough to do this often (you have to really piss me off), but when it does, I can't help but feel like a jackass.
• If I was in one of those "oh, fuck it" moments, generally I don't regret whatever it was I did (assuming nobody got hurt). There are times when I think I'm being way too antisocial or thinking way too much and I just wear a stupid grin and throw myself into the wind.
• If I did it for/because of a pretty girl, it changes. Sometimes, I feel elated over what I did, and I can't stop smiling and attempting to make mental notes for the future. Other times, I feel like an absolute idiot, and I keep asking myself why I didn't just sit still and bear it. And, occasionally, I'm simply filled with chagrin and laugh at myself for my own silliness.

Sometimes it's better to look before we leap, to stop and think. But only sometimes.

Merry Christmas

It's the most wonderful time of the year.

I love you too.

What Does It Mean

When someone asks you to get coffee?

I came to the realization that this is one of the most romantically ambiguous social interactions ever. Let's discuss why:

Ladies, if a guy who is a friend (but not a great friend) asked you to Starbucks, would you automatically interpret it as "asking you out"?

From a guy's perspective (and, gentlemen, feel free to correct me if I'm wrong), but I might not always want to start a relationship with someone by asking them out. I've always thought it awkward to have to get to know someone through dates. I much prefer to get to know the person first, and decide whether or not I enjoy their company and their personality, before throwing myself into a possibly romantic situation, like going to dinner.

So, naturally, grabbing a latte provides a great center ground for this kind of interaction. You can go and enjoy caffeine with somebody and not have it mean anything. You would certainly go and have Starbucks with a new friend without it being awkward or non-platonic in the slightest. It's just two people hanging out. Something like a picnic, or a late night dinner, I think is different. Asking someone out to dinner is, of course, generally a sign of romantic interest. But coffee?

There's also the matter of picking up the check. If you go out to dinner and the guy insists on paying, then you can be pretty sure he is interested in you. However, if a guy insists on paying for your triple shot mocha, what does that mean? Sure, I would be inclined to believe that he is interested, but what if he's just a really nice guy? I mean, (most) coffee isn't terribly expensive. It's not the same as a movie ticket or an entire meal. Which means that on multiple levels getting coffee is romantically ambiguous.

So, the take away points here are that if you are going to ask someone on a date, and you want to make it very clear that it is a date, do NOT ask them to get coffee. Ask them to go have dinner, or better yet, prepare a picnic. If you're feeling really creative, you could try holding up a sign that says, "to me, you are perfect."

end scene.

Psych Quiz Yay!

Read the following questions, imagining the scenes in your mind and type in the FIRST thing that you visualize. Do not think about the questions excessively.

1. You are walking in the woods. Who are you with?

2. You are walking in the woods. You see an animal. What kind of animal is it?

3. What interaction takes place between you and the animal?

4. You walk deeper into the woods. You enter a clearing and before you is your dream house. Describe its size.

5. Is you dream house surrounded by a fence?

6. You enter the house. You walk to the dining area and see the dining room table. Describe what you see on and around the table.

7. You exit the house through the back door. Lying in the grass is a cup. What material is the cup made of (ceramic, glass, paper, etc.)?

8. What do you do with the cup?

9. You walk to the edge of the property, where you find yourself standing at the edge of a body of water. What type of body of water is it (creek, river, ocean, etc.)?

10. How will you cross the water?

The Big Reveal

1. The person who you are walking with is the most important person in your life.

2. The size of the animal is representative of your perception of the size of your problems.

3. The severity of the interaction you have with the animal is representative of how you deal with your problems (passive, aggressive).

4. The size of your dream home is representative of the size of your ambition to resolve your problems.

5. No fence is indicative of an open personality. People are welcome at all times. The presence of a fence is more indicative of a closed personality. You would prefer people to not drop by unannounced.

6. If your answer did not include food, people, or flowers, then you are generally unhappy.

7. The durability of the material with which the cup is made is representative of the perceived durability of you relationship with the person from question 1. For example, Styrofoam, plastic, and paper are disposable; Styrofoam, paper, and glass (ceramics) are not durable; and metal and plastic are durable.

8. Your disposition of the cup is representative of your attitude toward the person from question 1.

9. The size of the body of water is representative of the size of your sexual desire.

10. How wet you get in crossing the water is indicative of the relative importance of your sex life.

So Long, November

Let the Christmas music begin.

(Pandora actually has a Christmas genre station.)

Thanksgiving!

Happy Turkey Day!

* gobble gobble *

For my loving family.

For my health.

For my (relative) financial security.

For my enrollment in a fantastic university.

For my supportive friends.

For everything that I was born with, that I have now, and that I am yet to achieve:

I am thankful.

Go out and hug someone today, just for the sake of it!

Regret

It starts in your stomach. You can't put your finger on it, but for some reason you're feeling uncertain. That feeling of uneasiness, you know, the one that comes about when you think there's one more step going down a flight of stairs than there actually is.

Then the feeling in your stomach materializes as a realization in your head. You know exactly why you're feeling off-balance. Doubts spring up everywhere, and the second guessing begins. Did you make a mistake? Should you have said that? Was something forgotten? And as you go in mental circles, your fears don't ease up -- in fact, they get worse. You're wracking your brain, trying to find some solace, some small detail that proves you did the right thing at the right time. But you can't. You can't convince yourself.

Instead, you know you'll have to live with the consequences of your decision, or your forgetfulness, or your mediocrity. If something terrible happens as a result of it, it will be your fault. Some will realize that the past is unchangeable, and move on, burdened with their mistake. Often times, the burden is small; occasionally though, you regret something so much that it changes the rest of your life. Others, who are not as accepting, will attempt to fix the past by altering the present. And yes, sometimes this works. You can run home to turn off a stove before it starts a fire. But you can't redo a decision that only comes around once in a lifetime. You can't put hurtful words back into your mouth before you uttered them. You can't repair the pieces of a broken heart.

So...

Think before acting. Look before leaping. Understand the consequences.

P.S. I couldn't get what I was after. But I don't regret it. Maybe next year.

Break

So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you
Yeah, I miss you
So far away from where you are
Standing underneath the stars
And I wish you were here

I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things I never thought that they’d mean everything to me
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

I feel the beating of your heart
I see the shadows of your face
Just know that wherever you are
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things
I never thought that they’d mean everything to me
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

Go Listen To This

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JKKl95Ttrc

It's amazing.

Nocturnalism Is Underrated.

Sunday, November 8th

|||||Slept at 3:00.

Monday, November 9th

|||||Slept at 3:00.

Tuesday, November 10th

|||||Slept at 3:30.

Wednesday, November 11th

|||||Slept at 4:00.

Thursday, November 12th

|||||Slept at 5:30.

Friday, November 13th

|||||Slept at 6:00.

Saturday, November 14th

|||||Slept at 5:00.

Alma Mater

A girl in my hall is withdrawing from Stanford and going home. I think she's leaving within the next week. It's not because she got into trouble or anything, she just...didn't want to be here anymore.

Even though sometimes it gets hard, sometimes the workload threatens to crush my spirits (which may partially be my fault), sometimes the three hour time difference makes me feel so isolated from everything (and everyone) I used to know...

I love being here.

Week(End) From Hell.

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you I've set you apart

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions
Oh, let's go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on the science apart

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh, take me back to the start

I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling the puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart

But tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
Oh, it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard.

I'm fading fast.

V

Remember, remember, the 5th of November

The gunpowder treason and plot.

I know of no reason why the gunpowder treason

Should ever be forgot.

Why I Love My Hall

When I'm feeling a little down, or feeling like having a little excitement, I know I can always count on my hall to make life awesome. We're wayy closer than most of the other halls in Roble, and people who come up and hang out with us are generally surprised by how awesome we all are. So I thought I might detail some of my great friends in the hall (partly censored, of course). Also, a couple of honorary members of 3B are included.

K--. He's sometimes a bit awkward, but I know he means well. He definitely should be a little bit more social. But I know it's tough to put up with my messiness, and he does deserve thanks for getting me up on mornings when my alarm clock doesn't quite cut it.

G--. He's lots of fun to be around. Thankfully he's really goofy, otherwise I don't know if I would be able to put up with the large blocks of time spent in nothing but his boxers. He's always able to find interesting things to do. He has both an alcohol stash and a condom stash, so I can probably tap into those if the need for either should arise.

J--. He's really moody alot, but when he's not moody he is lots of fun too. Although I hear about his girl troubles all the time (just settle on one, already!), I'm glad he's my friend, since we crack lots of really funny jokes. Also, he's into CS, which is a plus. However, he doesn't know how to take any form of criticism.

P--. He is crazy. Flat out insane. But I love him anyways. Two nerdy, awkward, asian guys are bound to become friends (he has a book of XKCD comics!). Now it's more easy to tell us apart, since he changed his hair. But our RA has so lovingly nicknamed us "Parles," and I feel like there's some kind of reason for that. I've thought maybe about entering the draw with him this year.

J--. I'm still getting to know him. However, we have had several really deep, enlightening conversations. Plus, he knows alot about drugs, so if I ever have any questions I know just who to go to. Only at Stanford could you finds someone who works with MATLAB and aspires to be an engineer on the weekdays, but go out and gets baked on the weekends.

N--. He's super loud. His laughs would probably wake me up if I wasn't insulated behind two doors. Although he can be mean, I know that it's not really malicious intent, and plus I'm generally mean back, so it's all good. It's always good to have someone to make fun of from time to time.

S--. In the running for best guy friend made at Stanford. At first I thought he would be a meathead-type athlete, but he turned out to be an awesome exception to that stereotype. Despite being huge and muscular, he actually is a great guy who I love hanging out with. Also, he never hesitates to say really "I-didn't-need-to-know-that-about-you" type things, which I find pretty hilarious.

M--. It's good to have someone who I knew before coming here. A fellow TJ alum, she's able to get TJ jokes and reminisce about old teachers (oh, DrD). A girl who does the "crazy" physics series AND a varsity sport? That's pretty epic.

E--. One of the first girls I became friends with here. Actually, on moving day, I went down the hall to introduce myself, and then her mom asked if she could see our room. Her parents took us out to dinner a few weeks later, which was lots of fun. Her room is like a social hub, and on late nights not too much work gets done there.

A--. She's super flirty, but I know it's all harmless. Although recently her desire to just go out and try everything has gotten a tad worrying. Nevertheless, when she's around I usually have fun, not to mention that she is an excellent source of hugs. She spends a lot of time in another hall though, which is quite unfortunate.

G--. She is so loud. I can hear her coming up the stairs and coming down the hall. A lot of times I end up sticking my head out the door and saying "G--, shut up." I don't really mean it though, since she's loads of fun to go out with when she's around. Sadly, she's either pent up in her room or hanging out with another hall most of the time.

M--. I'm glad we met. If I lived in the C wing, odds are I probably wouldn't have gotten to know her as well (if at all). A witty gal, she can take my teasing and dish it back, too. Also, her room is one of the awesomest rooms ever. I go down there to hang out all the time and it's so very, very spacious.

C--. The mother figure. It's good to have an upperclassman friend, and she's always there with helpful advice. Hanging out in her room is never awkward, and we've had some pretty awesome conversations. If she was a freshman with us, I'm pretty sure we'd have super epic adventures in the four years to come.

So yeah, that's what I'm living with. I know plenty o' cool people outside of my hall, but these guys are the meat and potatoes of my social circle here at Stanford. Back to studying for my CS midterm with me.

Mausoleum Party

I gotta feeling...
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good good night

I gotta feeling...
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good good night

I gotta feeling... (Woohoo)
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good good night

I gotta feeling... (Woohoo)
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good good night

Tonight's the night
Let's live it up
I got my money
Let's spend it up
Go out and smash it
Like Oh My God
Jump off that sofa
Let's kick it OFF

I know that we'll have a ball
If we get down
And go out
And just lose it all
I feel stressed out
I won't let it go
Lets go way out spaced out
And losing all control

Fill up my cup
Mazel tov
Look at her dancing
Just take it... OFF
Lets paint the town
We'll shut it down
Let's burn the roof
And then we'll do it again

Lets do it
Lets do it
Lets do it
Lets do it
And do it
And do it
Let's live it up
And do it
And do it
And do it
Do it, do it
Lets do it
Lets do it
Lets do it

Cause I gotta feeling... (Woohoo)
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good good night

I gotta feeling... (Woohoo)
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good good night

I gotta feeling
Tonight's the night (HEY! )
Let's live it up (lets live it up)
I got my money (I'm paid)
Lets spend it up (Lets spend it up)
Go out and smash it (Smash it)
Like Oh My God (Like Oh My God)
Jump off that sofa (Come On! )
Lets kick it OFF

Fill up my cup (Drank)
Mazel tov (La chaim)
Look at her dancing (Move it Move it)
Just take it... OFF
Lets paint the town (Paint the town)
We'll shut it down (Shut it down)
Lets burn the roof (Woooooo)
And then we'll do it again

Lets do it (x4)
And do it (2x)
Let's live it up
And do it (3x)
Do it, do it
Lets do it(3x)
Do it, do it, do it, do it

Here we come
Here we go
We gotta rock
Easy come
Easy go
Now we on top
Feel the shot
Body rock
Rock it don't stop
Round and round
Up and down
Around the clock

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday
Friday, Saturday
Saturday to Sunday

Get, get, get, get, get with us
You know what we say (say)
Party everyday (x2)

I gotta feeling... (Woohoo)
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good good night

I gotta feeling... (Woohoo)
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good night
That tonight's gonna be a good good night

Woohoo.

P.S. The Cheesecake Factory makes delightful, delicious, delectable, food.

Purity Test Lols

So, my dorm has become more or less obsessed with the purity test.

My hall has had people put up their scores on a big whiteboard, and it's interesting to see the distribution. The three lowest in our hall thus far are our RCC (Resident Computer Consultant) - 54%, one of my suitemates - 56.2%, and our RA - 56.6%. The highest thus far was a 94.6% -- scored by a fellow TJ-alum in my hall (all you kids reading this who still go to TJ -- this means go out and be dirtier). The scores of course, are all relative to the people around you. If all of your friends score in the 82% range and you've got yourself a pretty little 68%, then you may be labeled the "skank" of the group. Or maybe not, if you have nice friends. Conversely, a 77% with a bunch of people who average out to a 59%, might make you think twice about what you're friends are getting up to that you aren't.

However, it's important to take a step back sometimes and think about what we're actually doing.

If someone was to say to a group of you and your friends,

would you like to find out how pure you are and compare results?

besides thinking,

what the fck. what a creepy guy.

you'd probably be like,

that's stupid. why would you want to do that?

But the interesting part is that you get to know people better as a result. Of course, some of the things you learn, you might wish had never been said out loud (my friend discussed the story behind why she clicked off the "willingly urinated on yourself" question, and another discussed the story behind the "had sex in a church" question), but overall it's an excellent bonding experience. I highly suggest you take it. Feel free to post your score in the comments! (Take the 500 question one: http://www.puritytest.net/)

Happy Lyrics!

(To karmically balance the last post. I highly suggest you go listen to this song.)

I'm Not Surprised
Not Everything Lasts
I've Broken My Heart So Many Times,
I Stopped Keeping Track.
Talk Myself In
I Talk Myself Out
I Get All Worked Up
And Then I Let Myself Down.

I Tried So Very Hard Not To Lose It
I Came Up With A Million Excuses
I Thought I Thought Of Every Possibility

And I Know Someday That It'll All Turn Out
You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid That I'll Give So Much More Than I Get
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

Mmmmm ....

I Might Have To Wait
I'll Never Give Up
I Guess It's Half Timing
And The Other Half's Luck
Wherever You Are
Whenever It's Right
You Come Out Of Nowhere And Into My Life

And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing
And Baby Your Love Is Gonna Change Me
And Now I Can See Every Possibility

Mmmmm ......

And Somehow I Know That It Will All Turn Out
And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid I'll Give So Much More Than I Get
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

They Say All's Fair
And In Love And War
But I Won't Need To Fight It
We'll Get It Right
And We'll Be United

And I Know That We Can Be So Amazing
And Being In Your Life Is Gonna Change Me
And Now I Can See Every Single Possibility

Mmmm .....

And Someday I Know It'll All Turn Out
And I'll Work To Work It Out
Promise You Kid I'll Give More Than I Get
Than I Get Than I Get Than I Get

Oh You Know It'll All Turn Out
And You'll Make Me Work So We Can Work To Work It Out
And I Promise You Kid To Give So Much More Than I Get
Yeah I Just Haven't Met You Yet

I Just Haven't Met You Yet
Oh Promise You Kid
To Give So Much More Than I Get

I Said Love Love Love Love Love Love Love .....
I Just Haven't Met You Yet
Love Love Love .....
I Just Haven't Met You Yet

(Do you see it?)

Highly Disturbing

My friend Sean is writing a paper on suicide for his English class, and yesterday showed me a video of a man committing suicide (the ol' gun in the mouth routine). It was one of the most disturbing things I have ever seen. The sheer amount of blood that came out of his mouth and nose afterwards was astonishing, all the while with a gaping hole at the top of his head.

Apparently, the man was a Pennsylvania official of some type (governor, perhaps?), who had received bribes and such and then been discovered. He had received a letter telling him that the day after these events, he was most likely going to be convicted, and the judge stipulated that he was going to "make an example of him." Something along the lines of a 55 year sentence and fines of something like $300,000. Now, because he was technically in office at the time of his death (the video is available because he committed suicide during like a political meeting of some sort, which were videotaped), his family received a pension of around 1 million dollars. Was he "justified" in killing himself, as it made things so much easier for his family? Watching the video, I know how people say suicide is "the easy way out," but the ability to walk into work one day, and tell my co-workers, "if this is going to offend anyone, please leave," then calmly place a revolver in my mouth and pull the trigger, seems like something beyond the scope of my emotional comprehension. That takes guts like nothing else. How does his suicide compare with that of the man who threw himself out of the window of the World Trade Center as it was on fire? Sometimes, you gotta just remember that life is good.

Enjoying the Little Things

You know what I love about going to class everyday?

Discovering new shortcuts.

You know what I love about being allowed to have computers in class?

Blogging during class.

Turn and Face the Strange

I've been at college for a full five weeks now. It's interesting to think of how I've changed since this time last year (or even since I've arrived here). It seems strange, that someone could change in only a few weeks. But, considering the massive amount of change I went through my freshman year (which none of you know about, thankfully), it's certainly possible. Not everything (most, probably) on this list was a conscious change or choice, it just sort of came to be. I'm nearly certain I'm going to end up changing more as time wears on. I'll be sure to make note of those, later.

How I've Changed

- I am known as Charlie. (I used to be called Charles)

- I go to bed at 2 or 3 on a regular basis. (I used to always sleep before 12)

- I burst out into song. Often. (I never would in public)

- I swear a decent amount. (I had cut down)

- I don't have any torrents running. (Heh)

- I am, in a sense, patient. (You're not supposed to know what this really means).

- I have responsibilities. (I used to be really sheltered and dependent).

Of course, it's not as if I'm an entirely new person.

How I've Stayed The Same

- I am extremely nerdy.

- I am extremely messy.

- I don't eat my vegetables.

- I worry lots.

- I like to tease people.

- I have a dirty mind.

- I like to challenge myself.

Something You May Not Have Known About Me

I decided to audition for the Stanford Mendicants. They're actually the oldest a capella group on campus, an all-male a capella group. They wear red blazers and sing lots of old school love songs (think "Build Me Up Buttercup" and "Sugarpie, Honeybunch"). I signed up for an audition, and went to Xanadu (I kid you not, that's the name of the dorm) to sing. I had to do some range exercises, singing 5 notes up and down the scale. Then I had to do rhythmic stuff, clapping out beats that were given. I also had to sing back notes that were played on a piano. The last part of my audition was to sing about 60 seconds of whatever song I wanted. When I had signed up, I had thought "oh I know the perfect song to sing for these guys!", but when I checked their website, I saw it was actually in their repertoire. Nonetheless, I sang it anyways. "Everything" by Michael Buble. A song that I know very well, and a song that I can sing with passion. And I guess that showed -- I got a callback for a few days later.

So the callback said Friday, 12:40. I went to Xanadu once again, during lunch, and tried to get in. The door was locked. After standing around for a couple of minutes, a guy answered the door. Fortunately, he was a member of the Mendicants. Unfortunately, he told me none of their callbacks started until 4:00 pm. Turns out, they meant 12:40 am. As in 20 minutes before 1 in the morning. A small surprise, but no big deal. It gave me more time to learn the sheet music that they had given me ("Brown Eyed Girl" and "Delia"). At 12:30 am, I left Sigma Nu's "Disorientation" (I'll do a party post some other time), and walked across the street to my callback. I actually ended up being accompanied by a small posse of people who had been partying with me. Funny story, I didn't speak at all while I was at Sigma Nu, because I would have had to scream and that would have made my voice hoarse right before my callback. They asked me a few questions about my personality, then had me sing the two songs, and then sang the backup to Brown Eyed Girl while I sang the lead (that was just for fun). They said the results would be posted on Sunday. Saturday night I stayed up until nearly 5 with a bunch of my friends, and forgot all about it until 11. So, I walked over to Tressider, and checked the list.

I didn't get it.

It was disappointing, yeah, but I know I'll have more time to work on my 19 death-wish units of class. And who knows? Maybe I'll be auditioning for them again next year.

Why I Don't Get To Go Home

Hopefully, most of you are busy enjoying your fall break.

Not me.

I don't get to go home during the fall. I get to study. (Yaaaay!)

If I wasn't three hours ahead, I could have faked as if I had gone back for fall break, but was too busy to meet up with anyone (a guy in my hall is actually doing this). But of course, that would mean deceiving you all, and I'd hate to do that (I won't say I'd never do that, but I'd hate to do it. Unless it was for something really funny).

In fact, I don't get to go home until Winter Break. The second half of December. I could have gone back for Thanksgiving, but I'm not for two reasons: 1) Finals week is right after Thanksgiving Break. 2) I hadn't realized that we got an entire week off (I thought it was only four days, which wasn't enough to really fly all the way home and relax for two days), and at this point tickets are so expensive that it's nigh-impossible for an asian such as myself to justify paying for them. So yeah. I'm stayin here. Maybe I can get a turkey and cook it with some friends. I think I know one person staying here also. I'm sure I'll find more.

So the main thing to take away from this post is I'm not going to see any of you for another two months. Miss me.

I Apologize

I told myself I wouldn't do this -- but in the back of my mind, I think I always knew I would.

I mean, some people have personalities that lend themselves to certain things -- for example, I was always messy growing up, and now that I'm here, I think I've only gotten messier.

And so, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not posting. I had a feeling I'd forget about it, and it's not that I don't care, it just slips my mind. Or when I post I get the feeling, "I ought to get some work done rather than devoting a half-hour chunk to writing on my blog."I'll try to slowly write about the things that have happened so far. But for tonight, I'll keep it short and simple.

I don't think I'm going out this weekend. I have much too much work to do. A Physics Midterm on Monday, a Math Midterm on Tuesday, and an IHUM paper on Wednesday (which is worth 15% of my grade). I guess I did it to myself, taking 19 units and all (16 of which are techie units). But what sucks is that the add/drop deadline is tomorrow (today, technically). So if I was to totally bomb a midterm, thus ruining my grade for the class, the fact that I dropped the class would show up on my transcript. Which rather sucks. That means I just have to kick ass on all of my midterms. Thus, going out on Friday, and possibly Saturday, is just a bad idea. Not to mention I have a CS assignment due that I still haven't finished.

My weekend sucks. Homework sucks. Sigh.

The Sound of Settling

NSO (New Student Orientation) is finally over. So many events, so much activity, it was hard to take in everything. Some notable events:

= Moving in and meeting my roommate(s). There's one that I share a bedroom with, but 3 total that I live with.

= Buying a bike.

= Saying goodbye.

= Hearing speeches from the president, the provost, the vice provost, and the dean of admissions.

= Fountain hopping.

= The Real World: Stanford (a theatrical performance about sex, drugs, and eating disorders at Stanford).

= Swingdancing.

= Getting covered in sweat from partying all night.

= Registering for classes, and signing up for 19 units (there is a 20 unit maximum. My RA says I have a death wish).

= Football game against San Jose State (we won!)

= Spending more than $500 on books for my classes.

= Getting to know the vibrant guys and gals who are my hallmates (3B!).

Even though I'm supposed to have already been "oriented," I still have no idea what to expect next. I don't know if I'm going to die as a result of my uber-techie schedule (required Introduction to the Humanities (Humans and Machines), Physics 45 (Light and Heat), Math 53 (Differential Equations), and CS 106X (Accelerated Programming Abstractions)).

I'm sorry I haven't posted as often as I would like (though you can't say I didn't warn you), but I hopefully will get some time to in the weeks and months ahead. For now though, I've got a hunger, twisting my stomach into knots.

Cheers

My first post as a college student!

I'm currently exhausted, as I was out until after midnight, which to me felt like 3:30 in the morning (as I'm not totally adjusted from Eastern time yet). Sadly, no pictures of my dorm, as I don't have a camera yet, but I'm telling you now it's really cramped. Sigh.

I wanted to post today to share some of the cheers that they taught us last night. Apparently, whenever the dorms get together, they attempt to "out-cheer" each other. Like spirit rallies. Our dorm, Roble (pronounced Ro-Blee) is apparently awesome since it has upperclassmen but also the experience of an all-frosh dorm. The cheers are pretty simple, but I think they haven't told us one yet involving some stepping moves.

1) The simplest (to the tune of Ole)

Roble, Roble, Roble, Roble,

Roble, Roble. (repeat until tired)

2) A little more variation (at a fast tempo)

Take off your pants! *clap clap clap clap*

Take off your pants! *clap clap clap clap*

Take off your pants! *clap clap clap clap*

For Roble-ey-ey!

Take off your pants! *clap clap clap clap*

Take off your pants! *clap clap clap clap*

Take off your pants! *clap clap clap clap*

For Roble-ey-ey! (slow it down)

I'm, too sexy for my pants,

Too sexy for my pants,

So sexy, yeah!

I'm, too sexy for my pants,

Too sexy for my pants,

So sexy, yeah!

Schwaaa. (with accompanying hand gesture)

3) The most complicated so far (to the tune of the 1, 2, 3, 4, more more more senior cheer)

R! You ready for us

O! We are the place to

B! Let's get down at

Roble-ey-ey-ey!

R! You ready for us

O! We are the place to

B! Let's get down at

Roble-ey-ey-ey!

Schwaaa. (with accompanying hand gesture)

That's all for now. I'm thinking of going back to sleep since nobody else is up yet.

In The Words of John Denver and Michelle Branch

All my bags are packed,

I'm ready to go,

I'm standin here outside your door,

I hate to wake you up to say goodbye.

But the dawn is breaking,

It's early morn,

The taxi's waitin,

He's blowing his horn,

Already I'm so lonesome,

I could die.

So kiss me and smile for me,

Tell me that you'll wait for me.

Hold me like you'll never let me go.

Cause I'm leavin,

On a jet plane,

Don't know when I'll be back again.

Oh babe,

I hate to go.

Of all the things I've believed in,

I just want to get it over with.

Tears form behind my eyes,

But I do not cry,

Counting the days that pass me by.

I've been searching deep down in my soul,

Words that I'm hearing,

Are starting to get old.

Feels like I'm starting,

All over again,

The last three years were just pretend.

And I said,

Goodbye to you.

Goodbye to everything I thought I knew.

You were the one I loved,

The one thing that I tried to hold on to.

Home Alone (Ready For Badassery)

Rather than working on a short story idea that I've had bottled up in my head, I decided to post. I figure that I ought to get lots of posting done now, because once I leave for college I highly highly doubt I'll be able to post as often as I do now, as evidenced by my other Class of '09 friends, who I would say post at most once a week, if that (with the exceptions of Viola and, a tip of the hat to you, Lisa. David, I say you should be posting more).

I'm really, really tired of waiting. Everyone else has started new, exciting, brilliant chapters of their lives, while I'm still here wrapping up the last one with page after page of mindless text, as if I'm being paid for my writings by the word, Edgar-Allen-Poe-style.

I've already been home for nearly a month, while most of my friends have gone (all but one). It started in the middle of August. The first was on the 14th. A few left, to CMU, to Washington University, to other places. I knew my orientation was over a month later, but it didn't occur to me how quickly the rest would go, too. I thought I still had a lot of time left. The William and Mary kids left a few days later. They up and left to Williamsburg, Virginia. Even then, still, it didn't sink in. The Cornellers left on the 20th. But the hardest hit came on the 22nd of August. It was after that point that I started to really feel alone. Nearly everyone I knew had said their goodbyes. My family took a trip to Chicago, leaving me by myself during the day. On average, I'd say I watched 8 hours of television a day during that week. (It was a dark time in my life.) Thankfully, there were still some people left to have fun with, not all of them TJ alumni. But with the start of school, my siblings, my friends, all but one had gone.

And now...I stand on the brink. The brink of the best four years of my life (or so I hope). I feel like I'm at a waterpark, about to go down an enormous water slide. I'm (nearly) last in line, and I've watched everyone else go in front of me, and come out the other end, exhilarated but otherwise okay. Yet...I'm nervous. My brain is telling me that everyone else has gone down the tube and is now the better for it. But my heart is still skipping beats every time I think about the fact that I'm officially leaving the nest. About the fact that I'm moving three thousand miles across the country, and almost everything (and everyone) I know is staying here, on the East Coast. About the fact that I'm boarding a plane with green hair and my life stuffed into my luggage. I'm done filling suitcases with clothes and supplies (and food). I'm counting down the days until my flight (two). I'm finally ready to kick some ass and take some names. And make some friends. And go to classes. And be a college student.

Love

I'm not even going to touch this one.

Laughter

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

A bad joke, that's who.

Hopefully, you didn't laugh at that. If you did, you have an unfortunate sense of humor.

But where does one acquire a sense of humor? From everything we know, it would appear that we are in fact born with the ability to laugh. And that's because laughter is a rather universal thing. Humans have thousands of languages, and hundreds of thousands of dialects, but everyone laughs in almost the same way. Babies can laugh before they are able to speak (even as early as 17 days old), and children that are born blind and deaf retain the ability to laugh. Even some animals can laugh.

There are some theories as to why laughing is so deeply ingrained in human behavior. A prominent one is the relief theory -- that laughter is a gesture of shared relief at the passing of danger. This theory can also be used to explain why people laugh at jokes: a tense situation is created, and the audience must deal with the buliding tension. At the right moment, comic relief is used, and the audience laughs, realizing that the "dangerous" situation is in fact a harmless one. Another theory is the incongruity theory. At the beginning, a mismatched scenario is presented. The audience attempts to connect the different parts of the story. Finally, when an unexpected punchline is revealed, the audience laughs, as they are having to deal with two sets of emotions and trains of thought.

And, a lot of what we know about jokes indicates that these theories might be correct. Jokes that have a nonsensical punchline aren't really funny. If a joke is obvious from the start, it's not very funny. The most laughs, the deep, belly laughs, come from punchlines that you aren't expecting in the slightest.

So where does our laughter come from? Although the frontal lobe controls most of the body's emotional responses, laughter came from all over the place. Both sides of the cortex, the frontal, and the occipital lobes were used in processing a joke. However, it does seem that the limbic system is central to our ability to laugh.

It's been long known that laughter has the miraculous ability to make us feel better (as demonstrated by a poorly-made Robin Williams movie), and deal with life's ubiquitous stressors, but did you know that it also helps in coping with major illness? It does this by strengthening our immune systems, boosting our T and B lymphocytes, and lowering those hormones which stress us out. Even better for our bodies is the fact that laughing 100 times is the equivalent of spending 15 minutes on an exercise bike, working the abdominal, respiratory, leg, and back muscles.

Laughter can be quite cathartic, and allows us to release negative emotions like fear, anger, and sadness. Many people believe that another purpose of laughter is to make and strengthen human connnections. We're able to laugh in the presence of others when we're comfortable being around them, and when we laugh, it strengthens the bond we share with those people. Laughing with others creates a positive feedback loop of comraderie, and explains why laughter is usually contagious.

So find a comedy show or a stand-up comedian who makes you come close to peeing your pants with laughter, and watch it more often. Surround yourself with funny people, and be with them every chance you get. Perhaps even take a class on how to be a better joke-teller. Variety may be the spice of life, but laughter, quite frankly, is the frosting.

Life

Life is hard.

Life is unfair.

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.

Life is a highway.

Life is pleasant. (Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.)

Life is not meant to be taken seriously.

Life is an onion: we take it one layer at a time, and sometimes it makes us weep.

Life is much easier if you have the source code.

Life is just one damned thing after another.

Life is "trying things to see if they work."

Life is a grindstone: it can both wear you down and make you sharp.

Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.

Life is relationships; the rest is just details.

Life is the flower for which love is the honey.

Life is a sewer: what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.

Life is not a spectacle or a feast; it is a predicament.

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.

Life is a train of moods like a string of beads; and as we pass through them they prove to be many colored lenses, which paint the world their own hue, and each shows us only what lies in its own focus.

Life is short.

Life is worth living.

Life is good.

Service Providers

What is the true cost of conversation? Of an instant message? Right now, I think service providers monopolize the options for cell phone plans, charging exorbitant rates for their services.

First, it's important to understand how companies like AT&T and Sprint work. In order to get their product to their customers, they buy sections of the wireless spectrum. Radio waves between 300 and 3000 megahertz are used for cell phone service, and so telephone companies purchase the right to use certain frequencies from the government (much in the same way as a radio station). So since they own the right to use the frequencies, they charge their customers whatever they want to use the frequencies for their cell phones.

The trouble is, what exactly are they charging for? And the answer is: data. That's all that sound is. Our words are converted into bits that are shot through the air (in ye olden days, they were shot through copper, then fiber-optic cables), to be picked up by your handset on the other end. Bits and bytes and words and nibbles. The strange thing though, is that we have a way of communicating via sound for no cost: Skype! This technology, of course, is VOIP (voice over IP), and is a tad different from the radio wave frequencies. Instead of transmitting the information via radio waves, it uses the internet (hooray for the internet!). As any frequent Skype user knows, the call quality isn't as pristine as cell carriers, but in my humble opinion, this is a small price to pay for free phone calls. So what does this mean for cell phones? It means that they are probably going to become obsolete if they continue to overprice their plans. One shouldn't have to pay $50 or more to talk for a few hours during the day. Of course, if companies were to lower the price of their 3G wireless access, then I'm sure many people would switch to mobile Skype now(http://www.skype.com/mobile).

Well then, what about text messaging? Surely that's a worthwhile bargain? A few dollars for unlimited text messages? Unfortunately, it isn't a good deal. In fact, while the amount of text messaging has increased, the amount of calling has decreased (people must be starting to wise up). And yet, cell phone companies are making profits. Why? Because the charges for text messages are simply outrageous. Some charge $.20 per message, others $.10. But even at $.01 per message, they're still making a good deal of profit. How much does it cost to transfer less than 160 characters from one phone to another? Almost nothing. Its simply a tiny amount of data. It's just that getting rich from overpriced text messages is too hard to give up.

Except.

There is one service that lets you send free SMS messages. Google Voice (http://www.google.com/googlevoice/about.html). Now, I'm not exactly a die-hard supporter of Google. Like everyone else, I use their products, from Gmail, to Google Calendar, Blogger, and of course, their search engine. And like everyone else, every time they come out with a great new product my paranoia cranks up another notch. They know quite a lot about me (though that's a topic for another post). But they're offering free text messaging. Why? Because they understand how little it really costs. Sadly though, it's hard to get Google Voice on a cell phone (outside of an Android phone). And cell phone companies are going to fight tooth and nail to keep it that way. For example, Apple recently blocked a Google Voice app on the iPhone. But of course they did. AT&T wasn't about to let themselves lose millions of dollars each year, in the name of "open source". This move was controversial enough to even provoke a response from the FCC, though of course, it's highly unlikely that any lasting consequences will be doled out.

I don't know what the future of telecommunications holds. But if the right people can take control, we will see much cheaper cell phone plans in our future.

Fear

How often do most people feel fear? There are any number of possible sources of fear in our everyday lives. Every time you get in a car, there's a very real chance of being in a car crash (not necessarily a high percentage, but if someone drives a car for 50 years, they'll have a 1% chance of dying in a car crash). When you're older, the risk of crashing your own car decreases, but heart conditions, mental problems, and even cancer become more of a possibility. And those of us with active imaginations have it worse: every creak of a floorboard, or pitter patter of footsteps, or howling of the wind creates monsters, ghosts, and murderers from thin air.

It's interesting then how most people enjoy frightening themselves needlessly. Of course, as someone gets older they become increasingly hard to frighten. And some people are simply more easily scared than others. But that doesn't deter millions of people from going to see (usually bloody) horror movies, or reading Stephen King, or visit haunted houses on Halloween. While it is true that being afraid can also cause excitement, the very fact that our pumpkin-centric holiday is so popular is evidence that we celebrate being scared of witches, vampires, and things that go bump in the night (or we at least use them as an excuse to dress sluttily and throw parties).

Where does fear come from then? When we encounter a "scary" stimulus, a message is sent to the thalamus. A short-path signal is sent to the hypothamalus, setting off our fight-or-flight reaction. But a long-path signal goes also through the hippocampus, and by the time it also reaches the hypothalamus, our brains have decided whether or not the fight-or-flight response is justified. Some people react to the fight-or-flight response differently; there's the deer-in-the-headlights reaction, and there's the scream-bloody-murder reaction.

In that case, what makes a stimulus "scary"? Why do we fear? The simple answer: survival. Those animals which were afraid of the right things succeeded in reproducing. If we weren't afraid of forest fires, unstable bridges and oncoming traffic, many of us would be out of luck. Being afraid of things like lions and darkness is a result of our ancestors benefiting from that fear. And, when we are young, we learn to fear things that aren't intuitive, from conditioned responses like dog bites or burning ourselves.

So when was the last time you were truly afraid? Your breathing speeds up, your heart races, and your muscles tighten. You're rooted to the spot, your mind is running at a mile a minute, and all you can think of is how bleak your future is looking.

Instructions For Life

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.

2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.

3. Follow the three Rs:

Respect for self

Respect for others

Responsibility for all your actions

4. Remember that not getting what you want is somtimes a wonderful stroke of luck.

5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.

6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.

7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.

8. Spend some time alone every day.

9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.

10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.

12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for life.

13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.

14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.

15. Be gentle with the earth.

16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.

17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.

18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

-- The Dalai Lama

Rain

There's something about the rain. Something that makes it both powerful and gentle, both beautiful and terrible. This something is a little indescribable, and a little mystical.

The drops begin coming down slowly, one at a time. Standing beneath a skylight, or behind the windshield of a parked car, the rain touches down right in front of you. Almost as if you're going to get wet -- but at the last minute the drops decide otherwise, bead up and roll away. And as the rain gets harder, the world outside changes. A film creeps over the trees and the sidewalks, repainting the world in muted greens and grays. The air becomes thick with falling drops, each one making a splash when it lands. The nooks and crannies in the ground which have already begun filling with water, crescendo until the rain runs through the street and into the sewers. There are sounds, too. The sound of cars driving by, sloshing the water that's been collecting by the side of the road. The sound of the drops pounding the rooftops. When the rain becomes torrential, it defines the outline of the wind, which carries sheets of water through the air.

But just as quickly as it comes, the rain leaves. It leaves the world a little cool, and wet, as if it's just woken up from a deep slumber. The trees are missing a few leaves, and the grass is flat. When the sun comes out, it shines all the brighter, refracting off the water left clinging to every surface.

Beginning To Blog

Why am I starting a blog?

Well, one obvious reason is that everyone else I know is doing it, and I might as well jump on the bandwagon. But, of course, there must be a reason that everyone is doing it. And, I think there is. Despite their ubiquity, blogs serve their purposes (unlike Twitter). If a blog can prove that it has utility to the average web browser (by providing information about technology, celebrities, or even pornography), then it can in fact hold quite a lot of influence. The selection of Sarah Palin as John McCain's running mate was set into motion (or at least assisted) by a single blogger named Adam Brickley. As a college junior, he started a blog about why Sarah Palin should be Vice President (on a blogspot blog, no less!), which picked up momentum in the mainstream media.

But alas, we can't all be VP-makers. Which is where blogs can come in handy again. In small circles, they're great for keeping up with the activities of your friends, should they decide to talk about it on the internet. And I'm sure many of mine will, especially since they're going through massive changes during their first few weeks of college (some already have).

I've had a blog before. Sadly, it fell into disrepair as I kept forgetting to post. I believe it still exists out in the cloud, and I might find it again should I be so inclined. So what's the point of this blog? I don't know. I doubt I will know for a while. But whether it's to inform my friends about where my life is going, or just to go on about topics that pique my interest, I'll give this my best shot.